WHO precisely is Emery?
Emery Khyva Lamb was born the same day 24,363,432 mayflies died. A rather inauspicious start along the road of life that leads to death. Emery survived day one and from day two onward, things became rather imprecise.
Emery is a crepuscular mammal, just like cows, who is most active 2 times of day – at dusk, and immediately after dusk. Unlike cows, Emery doesn’t have horns, although some particularly observant people have noted the two cowlicks on either side of Emery’s head. The significance behind that tidbit is not entirely clear.
Emery is a stand up comedian and writer of the humory sort. So you want to know more, eh? Are you sure? Really?! Alrighty, you asked for it. There’s still time to back away. Well, if you’re sure then. Do you want the long or short of it?
Long
Long Version (as long as it’s within reason)
Excellent choice. You may view the long version as long as you provide $105,247.06 to an as yet to be determined Manx financial institution (why should the Swiss hog all the fun?) so Emery can get going on the autobiography, Leading a Lamb to Slaughter: Laughter is the Best Abattoir, which will be ghostwritten by the 2018 Nobel Prize for Literature runner-up. It’ll be worth the wait.
Short
Short Version (but longer than the Long Version)
Hmm, since this webpage ís running a bit long and website design best practices insist on brevity so as not to lose the website visitor’s interest, it’s time to quit while Emery is ahead. Rather than bulleting the highlights of Emery’s illustrious but involuntarily unpaid career in armchair comedy, click on the “How?” tab at the top of this page. From there, you may click on the icon representing the Empire of Zuckerberg wherein you will be allowed to poke and befriend this living legend all you want.