TRAIN YOUR LOVE FOR VALENTINE’S
This week, I’m ruminating about keeping the Valentine’s spirit all-year round, for those so inclined.
As Valentine’s Day approaches I wanted to relate some dog-training tips I have learned over the years.
What? Dog-training tips? What does this have to do with Valentine’s Day, love, romance, and that sort of thing? Well, bear with me, and you’ll get my drift.
A few years ago, I attended a seminar on canine aggression. This was a two-day workshop hosted by one of the top animal behaviorists in the country. At the end of the first day, the instructor gave us our homework assignment.
“What did he say?” asked the woman sitting next to me. Hoping the instructor would repeat our assignment, I responded definitively, “Not sure.”
Sensing the bewilderment of the group, the instructor again related, “You are to get some flowers on your way home tonight, and give them to someone you love.” One of the braver souls in the group raised his hand and inquired, “WHY?” The instructor simply responded, “Because.”
This was strange. All day long I had been listening to this instructor talk about dog-bite incidents and other aggressive canine actions. I couldn’t comprehend why he would require us to bring flowers home.
Since the instructor seemed balmy enough to ask us if we had done our homework the next day, I resigned myself to doing what I was told. Due to limited financial resources, I drew some flowers on a piece of paper with the words, “I LOVE YOU” below the picture.
When I got home, I presented the paper to my startled husband. He asked, “What’s this for?” Unclear about this myself, I bravely resorted to my instructor’s remark, “Because.”
There is one common denominator among relationships that work. And that denominator (in dog-training parlance) is “intermittent positive reinforcement.” If you want to keep the fires burning, intermittent positive reinforcement will work wonders.
It doesn’t have to be a big deal or cost a lot of money. In fact, the beauty of this technique is that it only requires a person’s imagination.
Notes, hugs, walks around the block – all these activities are examples of positive reinforcement. These are not attached to birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or any other “special occasions.” They are done for no reason – just because.
My husband has a natural talent for this. I recall waking up one summer morning with the words, “I Love You” written with toilet paper on the front lawn. This ability comes more effortlessly and spontaneously to him than to me.
If you are like me, and about as romantic as a cucumber, remembering to show these little tributes of affection take more than effort. Choose an idea for your daily “To Do” list. It sounds planned and unromantic, but it’s better than not doing it at all. And the more you do these things, the easier it becomes. Just remember to be inconsistently consistent.
For example, mail your partner a dried flower (even if you reside in the same home), three days in a row. Two weeks later, write a note of affection and secretly put this in you love interest’s pocket.
The secret is, the simpler, the better. In this stress-filled, bustling, competitive world, it’s easy to forget the little things, the things that truly matter.
Originally published in the Lakeside Review, February 11, 1992. FYI, the dog-training instructor was Dr. Ian Dunbar.
~ Emery Lamb
Recent Comments